i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize