Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
