I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
