i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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