im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
