well I can't set my house on fire every night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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