i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
