i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
