just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
