I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
