she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
