i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
