Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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