so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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