yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
