Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
zippers are such a cool invention
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
