I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
