I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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