he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize