hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize