Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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