You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
