i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
