you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
