have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
