Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you have to choose: penises or morals?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
