So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
one two three fourrrrnication!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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