I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
