dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
