So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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