you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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