Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize