i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He shit in the fireplace
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
