Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
