She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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