I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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