and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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