Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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