i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
