I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
