The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
