This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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