well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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