yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
