I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
