Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
