The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
