Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
