Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize