You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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