he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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