Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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