i permit you to call me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
