I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
