there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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