He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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