Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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