I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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