Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
