I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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