Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
