I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
