in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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