Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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