yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
