Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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