I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
