20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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