your thong is hanging out like whoa
People in love make me want to vomit
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
