New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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