Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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