"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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