Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
