it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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