I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize