I must be too annoying 4 u.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
