i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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