I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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