His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
