I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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