i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
