i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
