Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
