First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
