Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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