im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
