Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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