my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
