I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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