Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize