first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
