I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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