id be glad to
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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