I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
