dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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