Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
