I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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