Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
