If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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