She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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