final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
