I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
