My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
