non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
